What would
I tell my 15 year old self, at the beginning of 2021? (I'm 17 at the moment) Well, if I had a time
machine, the first thing I would do is give her a hug. That girl worried too
much! This one does too, but I like to tell myself that I have it under
control.
I have learned
these lessons by going through personal, academic and financial struggles and I
don’t regret my experiences. But I think that if knew these principles earlier,
it would have eased my personal conflicts, as they do so currently.
This post
is a way for me to validate my time of uncertainty, fear and loneliness and to
internalize the lessons this period has taught me, to carry on for future
endeavors.
Dear 15
year old Ada,
1.
Don’t compare yourself to others: I know it sounds a cliché advice to give to a
teenager, but internalizing it could rid you of so many mental burdens. I used
to think that other people had it easier than me, which led me to ask, ‘What am
I doing wrong?’ I don’t have the same circumstances, upbringing or capabilities
as someone else. To compare my journey with them would be undermining the beauty
of mine.
2.
Don’t doubt your capabilities: The biggest fear I had then, (I still do, to
some extent) was of making the wrong decision, because I doubted my
capabilities for making the right one. It made me anxious about my imaginary
future, building resentment against myself whenever I faced an obstacle. My
anxiousness only made things difficult and hindered my potential, as my mind
was more occupied in fulfilling expectations. It took time to nurture a
relationship of trust with myself, and slowly I have developed courage to act
on my decisions, unapologetically.
3.
Celebrate your small wins: I have always been quick to beat myself down over small mistakes, so
it would be unfair if I didn’t celebrate the things I did right. I have made a
rule to limit to at least 1 challenge per day, no matter how big or small. It
makes the growth process seem less daunting. Always pushing myself outside of
my comfort zone is not healthy, as I have learnt and could lead to burnout.
4.
Love the person who looks back at you in the mirror: I had always wanted to make
something of myself, but in that process, somewhere, I forgot to take care of
the person I was. The focus was on what I did, not who I was. Soon, the quality
of work started to deteriorate, which pushed me into a cycle of self-doubt and
low self-esteem. Everyday, I take out time to do something for myself, and
remind myself that I deserve it.
I used to get caught up between opportunities asking, ‘Should I do this
or not?’ But the question I should have been asking was, ‘Am I curious about
this? Do I relate to the values the work represents? Do I care about the
cause?’
5.
Everyone
has their own versions of success: I had thought that being a leader, in a
position of power, was the only path to success. It was the only way to make an
impact. But I have realized that everyone has a different set of skills and to employ
them in the most impactful way possible is the only version of success you
need. You could have an impact being a team member as well. Being an
open-minded, compassionate person is more important than climbing up the
business ladder. For me, being satisfied with my life is the biggest
achievement I could ever have.
6.
Being indecisive is not a weakness: Indecision
is the building of original thoughts, as you pause to think about the choices
offered. It is a strength, not a weakness as the world perceives it, for it is
only the strong that hold their ground and not get swayed into making the wrong
choice in fear of being left out. Indecision, and consequently exploration, is
for people on the search of their own truth. It is perfectly okay to try things
for the sake of it, and not just because it would help your current future
plan.
It is to let the world know I March to the beats of my own drum, and not dance to the orchestra it has organized.
7.
Don’t let the past ruin your present: If the past has been dark, it doesn’t mean that
the future will follow in its footsteps. Have faith in your capabilities and
learning. Don't put your energy going over and over what has happened, in the hopes that you will get the answers you need. Come out of a place of fear and make peace with your situation, and then see where it takes you:)
A personal reminder: Don’t wish for the time to be different. Every
situation has its own beauty and challenges. To wish for the time to be different
gives rise to victim mentality, as you’re debating about the circumstances outside
your locus of control and sidelining what’s in your control (Your thoughts and
actions).
8.
Experience the power of being in a community: I put pressure on myself to become
hyper-productive to escape my current reality and isolated myself from
interactions to protect my time.
But being surrounded with like-minded people, I feel a sense of belonging,
which has eased my anxiety and loneliness, reigniting curiosity and the courage
to follow it.
With love,
17 year old Ada (who is a bit wiser and more willing to make mistakes)
Going through my later teenage years of self and external exploration was hard, to say the least. It took time to accept that discomfort is a part of the learning process. These days, I struggle as well, but with less resentment and anxiety and more groundedness and wonder.
I am still figuring a lot of things out and it takes effort and intention to incorporate these lessons into my life, but anything worthwhile takes time. And I am slowly learning to enjoy the journey of seeking answers, rather than being in a hurry to get to them.
As I grow, this list would grow as well, leaving me with core principles
to drive my life. But that’s enough about me, what lessons would you give to
your younger self?