The Modern Fable

This quote was shared with me today by my mentor. And it was a wake-up call for me. Don't believe everything you think - Joseph Nguyen  .     .     .     .     .   In my 11th grade, I struggled a lot. My family had to shift back from Delhi because of our finances, and I was a late admission into a school in which I felt out of place. I was struggling to find a way to work towards my dream of going to study in the USA, but I knew that there was a strong possibility that it wouldn't happen because there wasn't enough financial support I had. I was stuck in my head, most of the time, because I was trying to figure out which project I could build that would be my golden ticket abroad. But the problem was that my self-discovery was going into the realm of self-indulgence, where instead of trying new things and testing them out, I was indulging in stories and patterns from my past that I was trying to make sense of so I could have an insight i...

When you look back, you remember the moments you felt deeply. Not those moments when you were at an extreme end of a mood swing, but when your emotions held gravity because you recognized something in your life worth noticing. These moments may be felt consciously, like the time when I saw all my family members dancing to weird Bollywood songs I don't even remember and thought that I would miss this when eventually I packed my bags to a college I hadn't decided yet. When I hugged my brother close on his 22nd birthday, hoping that the smell of his hair might soften the reconciliation I'd have to give myself when I left town the next day. It is at these moments that we feel the urge to hold these precious moments close because we're scared of letting them go, filled with fear of losing this wholeheartedness. It is at these moments that I fully experience what Brene Brown meant when she said that joy is the most vulnerable of all emotions. We're scared to feel it, but ...

I have faced isolation from friends and family, lack of financial stability and physical freedom, emotional abuse, and clinical depression. (I am still in the middle of some of these problems) I have given up on many good ideas and projects, and haven't found a strict definition of a career to align myself with.  I thought that this made me different, that this defined how much I could achieve in life because they somehow scarred me. And I won't lie: they have scarred me. I have trust and self-esteem issues. But the key thing is that I am not alone and I can use my experience to help others, even by talking about these problems and creating a safe space for them. I define myself as a problem-solver and that has been the key to deciding which projects I enjoy, and because of these experiences, I am in a unique position to empathize with those who have faced similar problems and use that emotional intelligence of what it means to go through it and develop solutions. These solutio...

The stories we tell ourselves, how they fuel shame, and the impact they have We are creatures of habit, and our thinking habits form mindsets. Our mindsets, more or less, dictate how we approach our life. Lately, I have been exploring my mindsets and their impact on me. Earlier this year, I struggled with severe clinical depression, and taking a gap year to spend some time with myself has helped me explore the mindsets that brought me to this point. And I realized something. The stories I told myself had the biggest impact on how I viewed myself, how I interacted with others, and the decisions I made. In 2021, as the pandemic was raging, my family was struggling emotionally because of the financial setbacks we had faced. Amongst other problems, as mid-year approached I would wake up filled with anxiety that would get aggravated when I saw the date. You see, when the year started I had an intention of starting projects that I could include in my college application but months passed, an...

Instead of asking, 'Have I worked hard enough to rest?' ask, 'Have I rested enough to do my most meaningful work?'  Nicole Jane Hobbs This quote changed how I viewed rest. I used to bargain how much rest I deserved based on the quantity of work I had done. But after giving it my all in one project, I find myself needing a long rest to recuperate. Oftentimes, I feel like I need more rest than the little window I had allotted myself. And there is a reason for pushing myself back on the track again. Piling messages, pending projects, upcoming deadlines, and disturbing realities to escape. But I have learned that the outside world won't stop because I need it to slow down. I will have to step back. This means drawing some boundaries: not scrolling LinkedIn in my free time and saying no to a couple of projects I don't think I have the mental capacity to deal with anymore. Making boundaries is still quite tricky for me though. If I say no to this project, will I regre...

I will be honest. I used to despise this blog. Why, you might ask? Or, you might not but I will still answer as that is what this post is about. I wrote this blog amidst the beginning of a dark time in my life, where I was in my head more often than not, trying to find ways to move on towards my definition of success. I was lost, anxiety-ridden, and filled with guilt over my perceived mistakes. It was also a very isolating period in my life, where I was slowly uncovering my values but no one was there to discuss them with, to acknowledge my efforts, or to nudge me in the right direction. I have since learned to be there for myself when no one else is, but it can still be quite isolating. I was on a quest to do something great, but I was struggling to commit to something, anything. I eventually found a way to bring my ideas to reality through TKS, but that came way later in September 2022. Right now, we are talking about the latter half of 2021, when I had recently started this blog....

What would I tell my 15 year old self, at the beginning of 2021? (I'm 17 at the moment) Well, if I had a time machine, the first thing I would do is give her a hug. That girl worried too much! This one does too, but I like to tell myself that I have it under control. I have learned these lessons by going through personal, academic and financial struggles and I don’t regret my experiences. But I think that if knew these principles earlier, it would have eased my personal conflicts, as they do so currently. This post is a way for me to validate my time of uncertainty, fear and loneliness and to internalize the lessons this period has taught me, to carry on for future endeavors.  Dear 15 year old Ada, Me in Shimla: The summer of August 2021 (I hadn't turned 16 yet) 1.      Don’t compare yourself to others : I know it sounds a cliché advice to give to a teenager, but internalizing it could rid you of so many mental burdens. I used to think...

 //This post was a part of my 2022 Application for  The Knowledge Society for its Global Virtual Program  Who inspires you the most? I first heard of Elon Musk when I heard that he had become the richest person in the world. Though it was quite an achievement, it did not inspire me enough to regard him as my role model. As I started to know more about him through the internet, what got me hooked was that he built SpaceX because he felt that humanity should be an interplanetary species. He had grown up reading science fiction comics and novels that stressed that it was one’s duty to save the world. It was a childish notion yet backed by logic and determination, he has turned it into a reality.  I realized that my childhood hobby of recycling paper to make papier-mâché dolls was perhaps not so amateurish. I could bring my creative talent to turn waste into something beautiful. It could be my contribution to reduce piling waste and undo the damages of climate change. E...

Personal entry: September 2021 Nani is a hindi word for maternal grandmother and Dadi means Paternal grandmother.  Nani comes limping on her cane from across the town, hair white as tinsel and a round belly hidden under the same pair of pale salwar kurta that I have seen her in throughout the years. Asking for a cold glass of water, she slumps down in a chair in our veranda. Her expressions are always the same. Surrounded with folds of wrinkles, her brown eyes squint in exasperation at the weather. But she is never one to be brooding. The weather is just another stimulus for conversation in a world that seldom experiences change. A world that has withered all blows and finally settled down. Bearing gifts in her hand, she calls for me through my mother. And I come to smile at her. When I was young, her visit meant a respite from the tedious sessions of teaching from my mother, which if I now recall were relatively short. Her visits now mean a chore. In the minutes when m...

Why do we always anticipate coldness or trickery from our fellow human beings? Is that the extent to which our faiths have been shattered? Why do we perceive that we would be confronted with a cold relentless wall if bared our emotions? It was March 24, 2021. A day before the deadline of the application of my scholarship. The year had gone in a series of lockdowns. I hadn't taken the scholarship seriously, for the thought of submitting proofs of my co-curricular activities for a year that had been marked with inactivity filled me with despair. All I needed was a financial crisis and promise for a global education to jolt me into action. I had progress reports for earlier classes but none for the current or previous year. My chances seemed bleak. Until I remembered an art competition I had participated in three months ago and an internship I did for an Instagram page created by teenagers.  The problem was I had no proof.  I contacted the art company through mail and even w...

(The first draft of this article was written on 26th August, 2021, my 16th birthday) Some poetry,  Some prose. As the day rolls on The year goes by In the blink of an eye. Hazed by doubts and those loops of thoughts, the whirls of cries and laughter.The paths I have trodden on countless of times that the neurons in my brain have made the way, etching it on my brain.  With the birthday come its blues as is tradition. Wondering about the year, the moments that no longer seem my own, flipping them in my brain, with a heavy heart that comes from witnessing a time that will no longer be. The lives I could have lived! If I would have carried on the impulsive haughty decisions.   A degree of change,  in the nose of my plane And I would have been a stranger To this place. The one I inhabit in my brain.  Numerous projects begun and failed. All weigh heavy on my tiny fluttering heart. But I know the work is stored, in vaults of emerald, in piles of shine. Bedazzling to th...

Writing is a static profession. One that is as far away from interaction as an event manager is close to it. It is reflective in nature through which a person organizes his or her thoughts on paper. In this case, a digital screen.  As tranquil as it seems on the outside, it puts the writer under a turmoil that is hard to relinquish and almost impossible to escape. Because it is one that grows and recedes inside. As the writer is alone when writing, getting feedback is a slow process. A process so slow that a writer often falls back on his loop of doubts. Doubts are the side effect of any creative or personal endeavor.  He soon stops reaching out for feedback because his bed of thorns feels more comfortable because of proximity.  Writers like artists are underdogs of the society, a safety net that people often fall back on when exhausted by society.  The most crucial part of writing is editing. Refining the craft. Polishing your coal to shape a diamond. But isn't that...

When it comes to choosing an academic subject to write a book upon, the first advice I received from a Stanford Grad (On YouTube, of course!) was to choose something I was an expert on. I have a lot of varying interests but I barely know in depth about any of them. But having an unembellished past has one advantage. When your past doesn't dictate your choices, you are free to explore and your future holds infinite possibilities.  Writing a book on an academic subject has long since been on my to do list. I spent the summer learning literary analysis and was planning to write an AP guide to analysing Pride and Prejudice. But I have shifted that project to next summer.  Something cropped up my mind. An idea! I have lots of them floating around and some are too crazy and a long shot from my current capabilities. But I treasure then nonetheless.  My idea is to write an interactive and introductory graphic book for Calculus for 11th graders. And I have just begun 11th grade....

I was introduced to the U.S. College admissions in my Grade 10 when I saw an Instagram advert of Stanford. The pandemic was still raging and that was my excuse for not being able to work on my extracurriculars which were practically none. I postponed the activities to next year, the year 2021. I look back and think how naive I was. I was waiting for schools to open and blissfully waiting. The next year came and the situation still seemed bleak. It was then I realized that I cannot wait for things to go offline. My final exams of a grade that was spent online got cancelled and I was free by mid April. I was so fickle minded when it came to which college degree I wanted to have. All I knew was I wanted to study abroad. My junior year school admissions were postponed too. For a while I was happy about being cut off from the tethers of board exams. But satisfaction does not stay for long in my mind. When May came I was frantic about my extracurriculars. I was so desperate fo...

You want things.  I want things. I hope you know what you want. I have begun to know that about myself. Only if doing was as easy than knowing it, then I wouldn’t be writing this article. And perhaps, if you had figured it out then you wouldn’t be reading this. Here are some possible reasons you have the fear of failure or become crippled with anxiety when starting something new. You don’t want to be bad at what you do. There are many other reasons like fear of embarrassment, loss of resources like money and time but at the core, is this single sentence. What if I’m not good enough? What if it doesn’t work out?  Sounds familiar? Well, it’s not your fault. So don’t beat yourself up. Here are  some things I tell myself that might help: Stop trying to be right all the time. Given the innumerable ways to approach a situation, statistically speaking, there is a huge probability that your way is not the most efficient. Instead of asking ‘What if I’...