The Modern Fable

 How do you weigh potential? And when do you sacrifice it when you pick one of two ways and let go of all the scenarios, you had thought for yourself. Society expects me to know myself, when it has always dictated my needs. When should I listen to my core self, and when should I strive for something above me. It is not a matter of will, but a matter of means. I could push myself to achieve, and numb myself to lead, or, I could convince myself to settle, but then how do I make peace when people look down on me? It is not a matter of will, but a matter of means, and I can feel my will unravelling, with the fights I gave against my enemies, my enemies that hog my mind and my surroundings Well then, how do you decide what is good for you when the choices were flawed from the beginning? Who do you decide to be when you can’t recognize your own reflection from the shadow? It is a curse to be unconventional, to be different from the herd. You pay the price of conn

The molten silver in my eyes, became the coating of your mirror. Who was I then, if not just an onlooker?

When happiness touches me, I have to find reasons to explain why I don’t want you as part of the party? You say I am obligated, and I am, by the guilt you’ll shower, if I speak my mind.

They say imperfections make you beautiful, and I had just started to believe that. I bared the gaps I felt inside me, the seeping cracks, voids that at times engulfed me. I saw the gleam in your eyes and it was from the beauty that surrounded me. But all you saw was a girl empty inside, malleable, broken to your eyes, which you could mold to your desires. I retreated my words for a while, imperfections made me weak, a sight to pity at. Until I realized, imperfections made me who I am, as long as I did not bare them to, a man with a motive in mind.

When life gets hard, you have to kill a part of yourself, so you can let the rest survive. I have killed the part, that searches for its other half, while I struggle to keep myself whole, as life knocks me down. The fire is only dormant, until someone reignites it with their touch. I only know one thing for sure, whether or not, I find a partner in whom I share is up to fate, or rather ill-luck, the intensity of desire, the price of withholding my senses, for so long, when is stoked, will swallow me whole.

I loan people pieces of me, with nothing up for collateral. A piece of my mind, a glimpse of my body, a fraction of my voice but no one knows the fire inside me. Because it will destroy others, while it only carves the soul inside me.

Dust off, get up for defeat is not a choice. As long as I am alive, I will strive for my voice.

The sun shines even when clouds block the way. It doesn’t wilt in despair, that nobody lets it have its way. It keeps on shining and shining until the wispy clouds are swept away. And tomorrow, the cycle begins again.

I am not incomplete, merely broken. I don’t seek someone to fill my longings, but to see them and accept them so much so that in the daylight, the scars fade. I don’t seek someone to heal me, but to grow with me. Because I can rise up, fly up. Merely surviving for now, so that I can thrive later.

Hide your tears behind closed doors, Such is the comfort of my home.

This quote was shared with me today by my mentor. And it was a wake-up call for me. Don't believe everything you think - Joseph Nguyen  .     .     .     .     .   In my 11th grade, I struggled a lot. My family had to shift back from Delhi because of our finances, and I was a late admission into a school in which I felt out of place. I was struggling to find a way to work towards my dream of going to study in the USA, but I knew that there was a strong possibility that it wouldn't happen because there wasn't enough financial support I had. I was stuck in my head, most of the time, because I was trying to figure out which project I could build that would be my golden ticket abroad. But the problem was that my self-discovery was going into the realm of self-indulgence, where instead of trying new things and testing them out, I was indulging in stories and patterns from my past that I was trying to make sense of so I could have an insight into what I should do. This sucked me

There comes a time when your daydreams, turn to nightmares, jostled by the abrupt change to reality. Who do you turn to now. when you need to build up hope? When everyone around you, says the same old woe. You need an escape, a vision, to pull you through. How do you balance optimism and practicality, when both of them pull you towards different streets? You try but the balance tips at times, while making sure you tread, towards the vision you have. Even when at times, with little will left, You sometimes resort to go back to daydreams.

Find a love in your life, a love so strong that it can push you forward, even when the storm surrounds. A love so strong, that it gives you strength to carry on, when the struggles seem hopeless,  when pondered upon. A love so deep and true, shining like a beacon of light, revealing all the superficial rules.

These string of moments, flash by my eyes, not tethered by logic or time, but by emotions of wholeheartedness,  filling me with life. These emotions don't pull me down, like the ones I feel usually do, but fill me with strength and hope when life feels just right. Not more or less, looking for an excuse to fill with an escape, but just right. Right here and right now, for no special reason to tell, except that the people are right, and so am I. I look around and spot a ton of ways, the celebration could be grander, The decoration could have been neater, but there is no place  on the face of this earth, I would rather be. Rather than right here and right now. What is so special you might ask? Well, there are some brief glitches, in the matrix of time, when we don't live for a reason or a goal, but just for the sake of living, right here and right now. When life comes together, not to teach you a lesson, but to give you a reason, to keep carrying on. Right here and right now.