I have faced isolation from friends and family, lack of financial stability and physical freedom, emotional abuse, and clinical depression. (I am still in the middle of some of these problems) I have given up on many good ideas and projects, and haven't found a strict definition of a career to align myself with.
I thought that this made me different, that this defined how much I could achieve in life because they somehow scarred me.
And I won't lie: they have scarred me. I have trust and self-esteem issues. But the key thing is that I am not alone and I can use my experience to help others, even by talking about these problems and creating a safe space for them.
I define myself as a problem-solver and that has been the key to deciding which projects I enjoy, and because of these experiences, I am in a unique position to empathize with those who have faced similar problems and use that emotional intelligence of what it means to go through it and develop solutions. These solutions can come in any form: volunteering, a new product, or even just a blog (like this one)!
Even if you don't do anything formal with it, just lending an ear to a friend who might be going through similar can give strength to her and that is no small feat.
But you would be thinking: you can solve even those problems you have not faced, by doing a ton of market research and user interviews. Yes, you can. But you won't feel the hunger, the burning desire to solve it which will push you to overcome any challenges you face. It will no longer be a project, it will be a mission.
A lot of people use their resources to help others even though they have not been through the same thing, but it comes from a sense of duty. Building things that you want to, that you think you would have needed will push you to overcome any challenges and will help give you a sense of purpose. This doesn't have to be your primary job, as I don't want to claim that our struggles define what we should do but all I am saying is that with every problem, there is an opportunity. An opportunity to develop a new way of looking at the world and equipping yourself to grow emotionally. Regardless of what you choose to do with it, you have an opportunity to grow emotionally into a compassionate person and that can define the way you develop relationships, treat others, and think of new ideas.
And, your unique personal experience gives you a chance to innovate as the solution that may help you grow out of your situation might not strike someone looking from the outside in. For example, as I was giving user feedback to Audo, a career development platform, I was able to give an idea to develop a career exploration guide. I had been someone who was lost for a long time and that was a unique perspective that I offered to the table, one that I wouldn't have been able to do if I had not been lost for a good part of high school about how to choose a career.
I am not in any way glorifying abuse or any personal challenges. It sucks to go through them and your mental health feels as if it is going to plunge any time. I merely propose a different way to look at these so that it helps give meaning to our experiences.
Having a meaning attached to the atrocities people face can give strength to overcome them, as portrayed in the autobiography 'Man's Search for Meaning' in which Victor was a Holocaust survivor. Having a sense of purpose helps us live meaningful lives. One great example is my mother. She has faced huge struggles but one thing pulled her through everything 'I need to be strong so my children can have a better future.'
Nobody deserves to go through abuse and I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. But I do believe that our struggles can become our reason to grow and reach out, or they can be the reason for a downward spiral.
And in the process of growth, both things happen alternately at times. You choose to grow but there will be overwhelming times where you will spiral again. But the important thing is not that you fall, but that you choose to get back up.
When I find myself trapped in my situation, I tell myself that I need to work to get out of this situation, not for my mental health alone, but to inspire millions of other girls who are right now going through the same thing and need someone to look up to and say, 'If she can do it, then so can I.'
Our daily interactions are an undermined opportunity for impact. We might not even know how many people have derived strength through listening to our story.
So keep on sharing, even if it is just through a little window on the internet.