Reading is
so simple. Just pick up a book, find a corner and read. Yet when you are
running a race to finish, it becomes agony. I have always struggled with
impatience which was why I couldn’t read as novels as a child.
I have been
taught to read since I was a child. Or so I thought. I was taught to decipher
the alphabets written in clumps called words, stringed together in a sentence.
But merely understanding the apparent meaning is not enough when reading
through a novel. I use the word through because that is what I did. Not reading
it but reading through it. Flipping through the pages, their numbers adding like
on a tally sheet marking a point for me. Ultimately, I would score the final
goal and close the book, only to feel dissatisfaction. I had raced through the book
treating it like a challenge, wrestled
with it rather than trying to experience the novel. The loss of an experience
that should have been effortless but I ignored with added effort, is
disheartening. On finishing, there was
no one to congratulate me on my feat. I couldn’t do it myself because I knew it
wasn’t a win.
“You are
really proud of your defects in writing, because you consider them as
proceeding from a rapidity of thought and carelessness of execution, which if
not estimable, you think at least highly interesting. The power of doing
anything with quickness is always prized by the possessor, often without any
attention to the imperfection of the performance.” – Mr. Darcy, Chapter 10
Reading
this paragraph in Pride and Prejudice came at a time when I much needed it. I
was agonizing over my steady speed when Mr. Darcy gently poked me in the ribs,
pointing towards the folly I was committing. Nothing is better when, out of the
book you are struggling with, a character comes and slaps you to pay attention.
I had read
at least 80 pages of the book online. But I started again. I went through
steadily but towards the end Elizabeth caught me in a flurry of her emotions and
the pages flipped automatically in front of my eyes. I finished the book. And
now, I have started it again. I treat each chapter as a sermon. A work of
perfection. It has revealed to me the subtle gestures Mr. Darcy gave, how
ardently Elizabeth ignored them and the strikingly innocent even careless
character of Mr. Bingley. It is amazing how much a book will reveal to you if
you just spend time with it. The words that were read before take on a
different meaning.
Here are
somethings I learned:
I found out
that I was more like Elizabeth than I thought. I took pride in being open
minded and fair and maybe to some extent I was, in matters related to others.
But when it came to myself, I stuck to my biases and predictions as if I had
seen into the future. I was the one holding myself back by clinging to my
superficial knowledge of what was right for me, just in the same way Elizabeth
clings to her prejudice of Mr. Darcy because that is the basis on which she has
made all the assumptions about people of his class like Caroline Bingley, Mr. Bingley and George Wickham. It is amazing
how attached we grow to our prejudices because we have formed our reality
around it. But it is never too late. It takes a great strength of character and
understanding to revise your judgment which towards the end Elizabeth does.
Love is not
all about feelings and emotions but also respect, stability and intellectual
compatibility. Feelings are fickle. They are temporary and they will flee if your
partner does not satisfy or challenges your intellect allowing you to grow
more. Growth is more important than people believe in a relationship. If it is
not there it will become stagnant and you might lose regard for your partner.
I learned
to grow intimate and understand the characters as if they were real people in
my life. In reading Pride and Prejudice,
I was able to live in Regency England, with their strict social norms
and urgency related for a girl to get married.
When you
read fast, you miss out on this special connection. Somebody you have never met can understand and
leave you with a lesson you needed. Reading fast is like being distant from
your lover. They are right in front of you. You can strengthen your connection if
you stop holding yourself back.
Reading
Jane Austen makes me feel like I am keeping her memories and thoughts alive. It
is a satisfying feeling to be a part of something much bigger than yourself,
spanning across borders and centuries. I am keeping her spirit alive. This is
the role that you, as a reader have. You are not a passive observer but are
dynamically exerting influence through what you write and talk about. The way
you interpret is more important. Reading a novel allows you to slow down and even
contemplate your life along the way.
Pride and
Prejudice is more than just a romantic novel. It is about false perceptions, one’s
ignorance hidden behind pride, overcoming and forgiving oneself for foolish
mistakes and wanting to have something more than what your class and social
standing deems you to be worthy of. It deals with class divide, importance of
money for sustaining respect in relationships through the witty commentary of
Jane Austen. I couldn’t have learned this had I read fast.
We live in
the age of the internet. A state of hyperactive work method where if you’re not
fast enough, you will be left behind. But everyone has a different pace. Learn
to become comfortable with yourself before trying to please others.
Remember
there is no finish line in life and even if there is, it is not very rewarding.